"OH SHIT, OSAMA BIN LADIN IS BACK."
-Akita Neru when Teto is doing 9/11 on their village.Teto Does 9/11 is the first episode ever of Teto Does Everything. This introduces most of the characters in the series.
The episode starts out with Len inside his house. He introduces himself as Gay, as Oliver comes home from work. He immediately introduces himself as Olivu-Chan. When Len shows excitement of his husband being home from work, Fukase comes out and also shows excitement.
When Len asks who he is, he introduces himself as Fuckasse, and tells Len that Oliver is in an affair with him. He then claims that his name is also Chelsea.
Len nods this off, until he realizes that a girl named Chelsea owed him five dollars. Fukase does not like the confrontation, so he hits Len with his cane. He then gets a nosebleed and black eye. Fukase grabbed Len and left.
Miku, calling herself Leeku, came out from nowhere and asked if Len was alright. Then replying he was fine, Miku explains that she was talking to her "bottom bitch," as Rin comes out from nowhere, telling Miku that she is alright.
Fukase must have come back in, because Miku caught him, shouting at him, telling him to get out. Fukase replies with a snicker, but said alright, then left.
Switching to the Kiyoteru household, Yuki is sitting in front of the television. She's excited to see Caillou come on. She then introduces herself as Caillou, and that she likes Kaai Yuki. Oliver had then come out of nowhere and claimed that the last time he checked the television guide, Barney was on.
Yuki sarcastically says that's nice, then she grabbed a knife out of nowhere and stabbed herself in the head. Hiyama then claims he was a horrible parent to Yuki, as introducing himself.
At the Akita household, Neru introduces herself as a bitch, and she spends all her time on the phone. Haku introduced herself as Neru's girlfriend. That is the last that is seen of them for now.
Len confronts Oliver in their house, and tells him to think about their child. Oliver, confused, asked what was wrong with her. Len then replies that she is retarded, as she introduces herself as Gewmi, and that she is "retrded."
Oliver asked then if a man with one eye can see that shit. Fukase tells to Oliver that they should "joint this bust," then hits Meiko's breasts with his cane, using his "snas powers", which she begins to cry. Miku comes out of nowhere and shows shock, but then disappears.
Len begins to cry because Oliver left, then asks Yuki to give her that knife. She comes out of nowhere as a ghost, and claims she's a "goatst." Len then asked her where she put that knife before she died. She tells him it's in her buttocks, and Len does not grab it, because he does not want to be arrested for pedophillia and necrophilia.
Meiko cries that her breasts hurt, and then Haku comes out of nowhere, and exclaims that nobody cares... about her. Then asked be killed.
In Miku's house, Luka introduces herself as Fish, and tells Miku she's pregnant with her child. Miku gets angry, and asks her to repeat herself, then Luka says she did 9/11. Miku complemented Luka, as Teto comes out from nowhere and claims that she was the one who did 9/11 with two cases of french bread and pepto bismol. Neru is impressed.
Kaito introduces himself, claiming he's okay, until Piko asked why he has a therapist. Kaito claims he is not okay.
Ia introduces herself as "H-Ia," and claims she was "pulled out of Miku's ass." Miku responds to this by going, "eyyy."
Luka tries to tell Miku once more that she is pregnant, but responds the same as she did to Ia.
Piko then introduces himself as Pickle, and claims he eats "cock." Meiko screams at him then to get off of her chicken.
Gakupo then comes in, introducing himself as an eggplant. Gumi compliments this, by claiming she is a "retard." Oliver then comes in and tells Len that Gumi is the reason the two they are divorcing. Len then suddenly goes into labor, giving birth to Gumi for the second time. Kaito claims that he doesn't care.
Teto complains that nobody cares that she performed 9/11. Neru claims the police isn't coming, until Po comes in, asking if "somebody called the po-po." He then asks who would like to have sexual intercourse with him. Teto starts to say no, but Gakupo says yes, Oliver becoming scared. Fukase, the overprotective man he is, claims that he is Oliver's best friend.
Luka approaches Oliver and tells him that Len just gave birth. When Oliver asks for the sex of the baby, Luka just replies with, "retard." Gumi begins to cry for a perpetually long time. Oliver claims that the child is nice, but Len wants to burn the child. Oliver agrees, until Gumi climbs onto a unicycle, the two claiming they see "dat boi." Len still wanted to burn Gumi. Oliver did not.
Fukase, at his house, invited Oliver over. Fukase was "back to pimp," until Yuki phased through the wall. She then claimed she was going to "fuck you all up." Rin tries to get video footage of "goat simulator in real life," after Miku got her a camera.
Out of nowhere, Piko is flying away.
Gakupo then claims that he raped a cucumber. Yuki comes out of nowhere and says that "it's nice."
After getting footage of Yuki, Miku marvels about becoming a millionaire, wanting to buy all of the women she knows. But as a matter of fact, she already owns them, commanding they all get back to her basement or she grabs her belt.
Teto then approaches Miku and asks to be her bitch. Miku shoved her away. Teto, after a long pausing period, commanded Gakupo to get the pepto bismol for her.
Haku was curious about how you fooded a food, so she approached Neru and asked. Neru then showed Haku, which disgusted the girl. Neru threatens Haku by claiming that if she screams again, she's going to do it again. Haku then claimed she was about to vomit.
This was when Teto came from nowhere, screaming her signature catchphrase as she performed 9/11 on the town she lived in.
Neru exclaims that Osama Bin Ladin is back. Teto calls her a bitch.
- This first episode was written after Gazi took a state test at school, while waiting for everybody else to finish their tests. It wasn't released until June 1st.